Hope in the midst of uncertainty

Hi 

Good Afternoon everyone

I hope you are all well! I want to say thank you for all those people who are praying you know who you are. 

Yesterday I mentioned that there was some bleeding but during the afternoon late afternoon it stopped.  So far no blood. Thank God.   I have hope in the midst of uncertainty. 

However, yesterday Was a hard day because my body was in so much pain by laying on my back with my feet up. At the moment my sisters Cecilia  came to visit and pick up her kids after her long day at work. I just could not handle the pain anymore so I decided to sit on the edge of the bed with the assistance of my sister. As I try to relax on the edge of the bed there was a moment where I was not able to catch my breath. I felt like if I was going to pass out because my blood pressure was rising due to the fact that my body was stressed out with Physical pain. When you have the disability of quadriplegia, You can encounter having automaticdisreflexia. This condition basically means that your body reacts different when your body is under pain or stress. Since my lower body or back in the area of the kidney had too much pressure my body reacted with increasing my blood pressure.  When my blood pressure rises then I feel like someone is physically choking me and I can't breathe. It is such a horrible experience and you feel like you have no control. There was a moment where I wanted  to ask my sisters to call 911. My sister Cecilia with her calming voice, she told me to relax and this too shall pass. 

After Sitting for 10 minutes nothing was changing so I decided to go back to a Laying position. I had so much desperation I did not know how to react so all I did was cry. My sister Adriana Juliana and Cecelia said what can we do to help you. All I can say is I am in so much pain my back hurts I want to sit up  but I am afraid To bring back the bleeding. 

Everyone agreed that it was best to sit down on my chair and relax to relieve off the pressure from my back. 

After sitting  to relax I was able to relieve a lot of pain off my back and after 30 minutes of sitting down I was able to go back to bed and enjoy the rest of my night. 

I was entertained by my son Evan He enjoyed playing music with DJ music to make me smile. He is such a wonderful son. 

Today, I got my baby Doppler. I'm only 6weeks I won't be able to use it till eight weeks. However I got so excited to see it and so much hope came into my heart. I called Adriana and I asked her if I can use it on her baby. 

 Adriana and I have been pregnant before together and unfortunately we have both lost our babies. She understands my pain and my Anguish. 

I was so excited to hear her baby's heartbeat it is so strong and healthy. 

I am waiting for the OB/GYN office to call me to set up my appointment to have the doctor see me. My UTI is under control with antibiotics. The bleeding has stopped once again. I am taking one day at a time. Drinking and eating healthy. Praying and contemplating the idea or better yet the blessing of having another child. I am hopeful in the midst of uncertainty.